Summer rocks!

Hey guys,

I have some free time on my hands this summer because *drum roll* THE KIDS ARE AT GRANDMA'S HOUSE!! Woot! They were gone for 3 weeks at the beginning of summer and then came home for 10 days. Now they are back in OK for a couple of weeks before coming back to get ready for school to start. First of all let me say that I miss my kids immensly when they are gone. It's too quiet at my house. (I can't say that the house is any cleaner though.) But, Vince and I have really been enjoying our kid-free time soooo much. We haven't ever been away from our kids this long, so it's a little weird trying to figure out how to spend our time. I can say that we do still like each other! Here's a peek at what's been happening-not that kind of peek, you pervs!

At the end of May/start of June, Vince's entire family rented a beach house in Galveston, TX for a week. What a blast! It was the best vacation. Just the right amount of relaxation mixed with seeing the sights and spending time with family. I do have pictures, but not on this computer, so I can't upload them just yet. We played at the beach a lot, we shopped, we ate and ate and ate, we went to Moody Gardens and saw the aquarium (cool!) and the rainforest (meh.) pyramids, we went to the Pleasure Pier and rode ALL the rides, we napped, we rode the motorcycles, we house-hunted for our dream beach house that we quite obviously cannot make a reality, we went deep sea fishing, we grilled up some shark steaks and red drum that we caught, we went for runs on the beach...you get the idea. The kids had a blast too. I love seeing my kids so happy and worry-free. By the time we were heading back, we were all brown as berries and making plans for the next beach vacation. We spent the night at my parent's house and then took off the next day, leaving the kids with Nana and PaPa. Then, the next weekend, my parents met Vince's in Oklahoma City and left the kids with Grandma and Grandpa. They did have some home-sickness going on at first, but the grandparents try their hardest to wear them out, so they ended up being alright. Plus we have Skype and Facetime, so what's to miss?

Then the kids came home (they brought Grandma with them) for a couple of weeks. It was nice to have all the action again. Man, are they loud! We packed in some fun activities before they were back on the road to OK like movies, Casa Bonita, and the Renaissance Festival. The next time they are back in Colorado, we will have to slow them down a bit and get them back into the school routine. Summer seems so short, doesn't it? But for now, they are back to bugging Grandpa and wearing out Grandma for a couple of weeks and Vince and I are back to staring at each other wondering how it got so quiet. Did I mention my kids are loud? I love those loud little boogers. Turns out, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.

Oh, Facebook.

You all know how much I love Facebook, right? My husband complains that I'm ALWAYS on my phone. Usually I'm deeply entrenched in Facebook just in case I miss what everyone had for dinner or what the weather was like 20 miles from me. The truth is, I'm just really, really, really nosy. I can't help it. I like to know what other people are doing, no matter how banal it is. And we all have THOSE friends on Facebook. You know the ones. They are so annoying, but you can't bring yourself to delete them because they are fun to roll your eyes at. Or, if you're like me, you are afraid of upsetting them. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Especially not someone that I have only met once in person-10 years ago. Here are some of my favorite offenders:

1. THE SEX-POT: This is the friend who thinks way more of themselves than anyone else does. You go, girl! This friend constantly posts selfies to the point that if I haven't seen a photo of their abs, ass, or boobs in 48 hours I start to worry if they're lying in a ditch somewhere.

2. THE SILENT STALKER: The friend you forgot about who randomly pops up to scare the shit out of you. As in, holy crap, I forgot you were on Facebook! They creep around people's profiles just to check in, but never post status updates or comment on others' updates. Then one day-BAM!-there they are. My husband is much like this. He only comments (not online, mind you, but when we get home from work) when he thinks I have posted something stupid. Which is almost daily. His FB friends will message me to ask what he's been up to and to tell me that they are trying to send him something and he won't respond. Sorry, people. I can lead a man to Facebook, but I can't make him post.

3. THE VAGUE-BOOKER: Good Lord, these friends drive me crazy! If you don't want people to know what's going on, then don't post "UGH! Some people!" (Who? Friend or family? Stranger? Babby daddy again? Who, dammit!) or "Please pray for me. I can't say why or for how long. Just pray." (For what?! Are you dying or should I just be asking God for you to win the lotto? And in that case, are you gonna share if I help you win?) If you're not going to post all the details don't post at all.

4. THE JESUS FREAK: Where do I start? Maybe with a quote from a bumper sticker I saw the other day. "I don't have a problem with God. It's his fan club I can't stand." I am a Christian, but I try not to beat people over the head with it or annoy them to the point that they want to run away from me when they see me coming. I'm not ashamed of my faith, but sometimes it turns people away from God when you harp on it too much. So, it really irks me when the Jesus Freak gets going on a tirade on Facebook. I just love it when they talk tirelessly about what a great Christian they are and if you don't agree with everything that their preacher/rabbi/Sunday school teacher says, then you are going to Hell. No exceptions. Um, let's let the big guy be the judge of that, mkay? Go ahead and post your favorite scripture and uplifting messages. I'm all for it. Just be nice and don't try to convince every person on your friend list that you are perfect and we'll get along just fine.

5. THE GAMER: Also referred to as "the pusher". If I wanted to play Word Candy Pictionary I would. Please don't ask me over and over again. As it is, my poor little iPhone 3S is tired because between the 3 kids and myself, we have maxed out the memory so that it runs only slightly faster than my old dial-up connection from 1998. Also, if I get addicted to another game my husband may have to institutionalize me.

6. THE CHEF: This is the friend who posts 400 recipes a day. I'm hungry enough without seeing all this delicious, fattening, food on my FB! Quit it! Buy a cookbook. Then you can post as your status update, "Yum! I just bought a great cookbook." The end.

7. THE HATER: This person is never happy. Never. Don't try to convince them otherwise. They.will.delete.you. My favorite is when they post a very strong opinion about something and then refuse to let people comment. "Pork chops are the worst kind of chops ever! They suck and I will never, ever eat them. If you don't agree with this post, then don't bother commenting because I will delete it. This is my Facebook and I can post whatever I want." Oh, get over yourself. When you post something, you are opening yourself to other opinions and much ridicule. If you take FB this seriously, you may need to rethink some things about your life.

Disclaimer: I have, at one point or another, been guilty of each and every one of these. And you have too probably. But don't disagree with me. This is my blog and I can post what I want. :)

Organized chaos. Ha!

Lately I have been feeling like the most unorganized person in the world. My husband keeps telling me to make lists, but I like to be more spontaneous than that. Also, if I started making lists right after he tells me to, it would appear that I think he's right and I can't have him going around thinking he's righter than me. (Yes, I know righter is not a word but it was funnier that way.)

My poor children have been running around wearing too small clothes with dirty, uncombed hair and have outstanding lunch accounts because their mother is unfit. I can't keep up. I question myself daily if going back to work was the smartest decision I've ever made. Who actually decides that instead of trolling the internets all day eating bon-bons in their pajamas while ignoring their offspring is less fun than getting up REALLY early, rushing around like a madwoman screaming about being late while simultaneously making 4 lunches, tying 6 shoes, pulling the least dirty clothes out the over-full hamper and wrangling the children into them, and trying to make oneself look slightly less bleary-eyed and slightly more professional even though your hair is still sopping wet? I mean, really. Then I remember that I decided that. That was me. Dang it. I'm not as smart as I think I am.

I have been enjoying talking to actual people during the day though. That's a bonus. Plus I get to wear actual clothes. Sweet.

Every other week, my son goes to swim lessons at school. His group is the Sharks. Fitting, no? Every month I get the calendar of events so that I can plan in advance his day to bring snacks and his swim days. I look at the calendar closely and circle his snack and swim days. Then I carefully hang that calendar on the fridge with the other 18,000 random pieces of paper that enter my house daily. Then, THEN, I promptly forget to ever look at that calendar again. Picture a blissful Monday morning(not!) when I happen to glance at the fridge whilst gulping my first of 12 cups of coffee and see that it is my son's turn to bring 24 snacks AND drinks. Frick! Do I have 24 of anything in my pantry? Of course not, because whenever I bring snacks home, my children scarf them all down within the first 12 hours because I guess they think that if they don't eat it all immediately I will take it back to the store. That's also the exact reason why I never keep juice boxes in my house. They barely make it in the door before they are gone. Poof! I will find half-empty boxes of fermented juice sprinkled around the house for the next week, but my kids will complain that there is NOTHING for them to drink. Juice junkies--that's what they are.

Anyway, I can't send my kiddo to school with nothing. The kids in his class will surely starve because the daycare that charges me almost my entire paycheck every month does not provide snacks. So, off to Wal-Mart we go. Me, with my wet hair and him with his breakfast smeared across his face at 7:30 in the morning will argue in the snack aisle about which nut-free, grain-free, dairy-free, but fun! crackers to bring until mommy is just about to lose her schmidt. We will finally grab something that he will insist on carrying at a snail's pace all the way across the store to the one and only open register, which is of course, on the opposite side of the store from which I parked. My son will only drop the juice boxes 14 times while I hiss, "hurry up!" because the only other person in the store has a gigantic cart full of stuff and is headed to MY register. When we actually reach the register, the cashier will be new and also just have gotten to work so we will be forced to wait while she is trained on the proper way to break the coin tubes into her drawer (true story). I will pretend to be a patient person while my son gets distracted by all of the dollar toys and candy placed stragically at the counter by someone who has never had children and repeat the word "no" over and over and over until the trainee cashier is ready to ring me up. $20 and 20 minutes later we emerge from Wal-Mart, snacks in hand, only to realize that we forgot his &(^$#^% bathing suit.

Make a list, you say? Maybe, but don't tell my husband.

Ch, ch, ch, changes...

It's been a while since I got on here. So much has happened since this summer! The biggie being that I got a job! Woot! I've been hired (suckers!) by the local community college in the Financial Aid Office. I've been there for 2 1/2 months now and it's going really well. I love all the people I work with and it's a very laid-back and family oriented atmosphere. Since I started at the same time flu season hit, I was using sick leave before I even had any built up. But my boss has small kids too and he understands. He keeps telling me family comes first. So nice. Actually today I was home with a Class 4 puker. I'd rather be at work-trust me. The highlight of my day was when he threw up on the way to the bathroom and then slid and fell in it. Yeah, it was that kinda day. Ugh! I should be grateful because the last time someone puked around here, it was on the top bunk. Don't they know it's damn near impossible for me to get up there and change the sheets when they're clean, much less when they are covered in vomit?! I have a new rule here. It's the no top bunk rule during flu season.

Anyhow, back to the job thing. It was quite an adjustment for us, especially the kids. Sam in particular. It's the first time he's ever gone to preschool or daycare and he had a hard time not being with mama. He was on strike 2 in less than a month. After a lot of tears (his and mine) and many, many, prayers he is back on track and enjoying school a little more. He still fusses in the mornings and begs me to stay home with him, which is soooo hard for me, but once he gets to school he has a great time. Thank God for the YMCA and the teachers there who have all had boys. He gets a variety of things to do during the day, including swimming and exercise time, which is so great. The girls adjusted a little better. They were already in school and chugging right along when I went back to work, so for them the biggest thing was starting Fridays at the Y since we are on the 4 day week here. They really don't like it all that much, but Vince takes off a lot of Fridays toward the end of the year so they don't have to go every week.

We've had a rough go of it this fall as far as people being sick. Just about everything that has come down the pike had made it into my house. I have been pretty immune from most of it, but Vince and the kids have been hit hard. They traded pink eye back and forth for a couple of months, this stomach bug thing has made a couple of rounds, of course we've had approximately 5 millions colds, and Sam has his reoccuring cough that never seems to fully heal during the winter. I actually thought he may have whooping cough at one point. Turns out it was just ear infections with a NASTY cough. Even the doctor said, "wow, that's baaad" when she heard it. So, Vince has had to stay home with sickies a lot. Not that he minds working from home. :) I think he's finally getting how hard it is to be home all day with the kids. One of the biggest adjustments for me was getting up and getting into a routine of workout, shower, get kids going, getting ready, packing lunches for all of us and getting out of the house on time and looking decent. There are many days when I get to work and realize that I forgot to brush my teeth (I keep a toothbrush at work just in case), or that I forgot to make the kids brush their teeth or take their vitamins or whatever. It's a good thing I'm not a control freak. Ah, well, we can brush our teeth tonight. Big deal. It does get frantic and I do turn into mean mommy some mornings, but who doesn't? I have definitely learned that I HAVE to do a workout in the mornings or I will drag and be fuzzy all day. I decided to sleep in once and it did not work for me. I could hardly keep my eyes open. So, Insanity or Bodyrock in the mornings keep me going for the whole day.

It's also hard for me to not be able to volunteer for every little thing at school anymore. I couldn't get off for the girls' Halloween parties this year. It's the first time I've missed a school party. It sucked, but Vince went and we all survived. I do get 4 hours a month of k-12 leave so I can volunteer or take off for p/t meetings or whatever. So that's good. I've spent a couple of days at Sam's school so far. He LOVES it! Every day after I volunteer he asks me when I'm going to "teach" his class again. Vince says I baby him. Whatever. He IS my baby. What else am I supposed to do? He's definitely a mama's boy, but he sure does love his daddy too. He's beginning to get interested in football a little bit. He'll sit down with Vince for about 5 minutes and ask questions and cheer a couple of times before he gets bored and wanders off to shoot at some imaginary enemy. Or his sisters. Except for the fact that my husband is brainwashing him to be a Redskins fan, I enjoy watching them bond over football.

Sam hasn't changed a lot in that he's still crazy, busy, loud, and into everything. He does listen a little better and can tell us what he wants, although his speech is still hard to understand for anyone that doesn't know him. Hell, it's hard to us to understand him sometimes. The dentist said that because he's knocked out his front teeth, it's harder for him to make the correct sounds and to learn how to say things properly. We are supposed to repeat the words that he mispronounces correctly and slowly, showing him how to form the word correctly. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. Eh. He'll get it eventually. What he lacks in pronunciation, he makes up for in volume. He is THE loudest kid I have ever met. Yes, his ears are fine. Mine aren't. Seriously. I have this ringing now. It's so annoying. Probably it's because my son doesn't have an indoor voice.

Katie has changed. Oh, she's still that sweet, quiet, emotional kid that loves everyone as much as everyone loves her. But physically she's becoming such a little girl and is no longer my tiny baby girl. She's been losing teeth left and right and is starting to find her sass. She's reading so much and is just a joy to be around. She's not crazy about school, but she does well. She's so creative and is always singing and making up songs and words and drawing pictures for us. Audrey is constantly telling her, "That's not a real word!" but Katie doesn't care. She's not a logically driven soul, much like her mother. She doesn't like to think too hard, much like her mother. She would rather create and nurture. Much like her mother.

Audrey. *sigh* I'm getting glimpses of the teenager she'll soon be. Girlfriend has a lot of fire in her. I swear to you, she'd make a great lawyer. Her daddy is none too fond of lawyers, but she won't care. If that's what she wants to do, she's gonna do it. Come Hell or high water. Much like her daddy! She's in that awkward stage of half little girl, half big girl. You know? She wants to be so independent, but also still needs her mommy and daddy sometimes. We're trying to hold off the transition to full-on big girl status because we still need her too. It's hard to hold onto the little girl side. Some of her friends are so...ugh...I don't know what. Her best friend though is a blessing. She is almost the exact opposite of Audrey, but they are like peas and carrots. They complement one another. It's nice to have someone like that. I love them all equally but differently. Being a parent is not for sissies.

Currently we are heading into the downhill portion of the Halloween to New Year's death spiral, as the ladies over at Rants From Mommyland would say. I will be glad to get back to normal without so many things to do. Mom, I need $3 for crafts. Mom, my pie party is tomorrow and I told them I would bring a cherry pie. Mom, my teacher said that I HAVE to wear orange, rust, or brown for our fall concert and all I have in my closet is neon pink. Mom, I want to be a calico kitty for Halloween. Mom, I can't find my snow boots. It goes on and on. I am excited for Christmas. Vince's parents are coming up here and we are not traveling this year, which is a welcome change from the last 12 years. Luckily, they know me well and do not expect anything fancy and overly over-done (yeah, I said overly over-done. I made it up, move on). Whew! Since I've had kids, Christmas is so much more special. I get just as excited about it as they do and it's so hard to wait until Christmas to let them open their gifts. And they are getting old enough now to want to shop too. It's so cute. They have a Christmas store at school and they pick out the best stuff for us. Last year I got several ink pens with "Mommy" on them, and a light up squishy Santa head. Vince got a tiny set of dominoes and a flashlight. The kids are so excited to see us open their gifts. Gosh, it's just so fun! For me, it's the best part of it all.

Katie was filling out a paper from school this afternoon about family traditions and what her family likes to do for Christmas. I felt terrible because we really don't have a lot of traditions. Every year we have traveled so much visiting family from across the country that we haven't ever set anything in stone. Most years, the kids would get to open their gifts from us way before Christmas so that we didn't have to haul all that stuff with us and then Santa usually brings them one other gift wherever we are. If my mom shipped any gifts to us in advance to save on us hauling too much back home, we would just let them open it when it arrived. We don't have a special meal we always eat, we don't bake a birthday cake for Jesus. We don't always get Christmas jammies and wear them Christmas Eve while we watch Polar Express and drink hot cocoa. We just don't. Once I thought about it though, I realized that my kids will have memories of holidays just the same as those kids growing up with all the traditions. And maybe they'll be better for it because they won't be so stuck on the way things "have" to be to have a good time. They'll be flexible. My kids have always had to be flexible. That's how our life is. It's all in my plan to be the laziest parent I possibly can while not screwing up my children to the point of no return. It's a fine line, people. Well, I should get off of here and get into bed. It's going to be one of those hectic mornings tomorrow. I can feel it. Please, Lord, let no one puke tonight. But just in case, they are all in the bottom bunks.

I wish...

I wish I had a million dollars. I wish I had a maid. Can you tell I am writing this after cleaning my house? I wish I knew how to handle 8 year old girl attitude. And Lord help us all when she becomes a teenager. I wish I had as much energy as my four year old. I wish that Ramen Noodles had some kind of nutritional value. Anything. Then I wouldn't feel so guilty about letting my kids eat them. I wish I could ever remember the rule "clean the table and counters first, THEN sweep". I wish groceries could magically appear in my fridge without me having to step foot in a WalMart. I wish my dog would learn that she really is supposed to use the bathroom outside. I swear to her that other dogs do it all the time. I wish my yard weren't just weeds. Maybe that's why the dog won't go-no real grass. I wish that my phone bill wasn't so pricey. Maybe an AT&T exec will read this in between counting the stacks of money pouring into their offices. I wish I could blink my eyes and be a size 2. Okay, I'll settle for an 8. I have to give a little. :) I wish for my kids to never know hunger or hurt. I wish I could travel more. I wish my Grammy were here to meet my kids. I wish politics (or maybe just politicians) would disappear and the world could just get along already. Hey, this is my dream world. I can wish for whatever I want. I wish my children could remember to put.the.lid.on.the.%$@&#.sandbox. No wonder you can never play in there. It always has 2 inches of water in it. I wish I lived closer to family and out in the country where my children could run free and do more things like my husband and I did when we were little. I wish my house always smelled like cinnamon buns when we come back from vacation instead of like something died in the chimney. If someone knows the secret, can you fill me in? I wish I could actually make, cook, and do all the things I pin on Pinterest. I wish the birds that nest in the chimney in summer could clean up when they leave so I can light a fire without having to climb a ladder first. Who am I kidding? So my husband wouldn't have to climb a ladder first. I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self to be a little more forgiving and a lot less selfish, that she is beautiful just the way she is, and that everything is going to work out fine. Lastly, I wish that dinner would cook itself. It's 6:00 and I have nothing to feed my kids. I guess I will just ignore the above rant about Ramen Noodles and let them have cardboard noodles swimming in sodium with a side of MSG for supper.

You learn something new every day.

I'm pretty sure that being home with my kids all day actually lowers my real IQ, but I do learn new things almost every day. Nothing that looks good on a resume, mind you, but things I never knew before. Such as:

It doesn't matter how much or how little water you put in the tub, the amount on the floor at the end of bath time will be triple the amount that was in the tub.

Your child will choose to say the F-word for the first time in front of one of four people: his teacher, his grandmother, his Sunday school leader, or the dreaded "perfect mommy".

You can stand your child in the middle of the city dump to peel his boiled egg, but you will still end up with eggshell on your floor. Also, when trying to vacuum said eggshell, your vacuum will not suck up the shells. It will only process them into millions of tiny bits and then shoot them out the back of the vacuum. Just get the broom and save yourself the time and curse words.

No one will spill anything on your floor until the exact moment that you have put the mop away.

No matter how many cute little outfits you buy for your children, they will still look like Little Orphan Annie meets Nine Inch Nails when they come up the stairs in the morning.

Your children's teachers will be shocked to hear how they behave at home. At least you will know that they are being good in public even if they act like demon spawn the second their feet hit your home's threshold.

You will call to thank your own parents for putting up with you many times after you have your own children.

Your son will wear 4 different outfits every day while at home, but as soon as you go into public there will be nudity involved because little boys think they have to pull their pants to their knees when they decide to pee on the sidewalk. During rush hour. Or on a Saturday afternoon at the zoo.

When your house is clean (rare) no one will come over. When your house looks like a tsunami swept through and you are in your pajamas with no bra and your hair is standing on end and your child has written all over themselves with permanent marker and you haven't had enough coffee to be ready for company yet--that's when all the neighbors will decide to drop by for a visit.

Who buys this stuff?

There are so many products out there these days that are supposed to make our lives more convenient or healthy, but sometimes I can't help but be confused or entertained by them. And the commercials are hilarious! So dramatic. Sometimes they just make me say, "Why in the world would someone ever buy that thing?" So, here's a list of some products that make me go hmmm.

1. Those designer diapers that have cool prints on them. My kid is going to poop in this thing and then I'm going to throw.it.away. So, yeah, I would love to pay an extra $10 for them because they look like blue jeans. If I wanted my kid to look like he was wearing blue jeans, I would dress him in...blue jeans! Duh.

2. Disposable paper towels in my bathroom. I love how in the commercials they make that family use the same white towel for 5 months and use it for everything from changing the oil in the car to picking their noses and then hang it back up on the rack. First of all, my kids use the kitchen towels to wash the dog and secondly, they never in the history of ever, hang the towel back up in the bathroom. I walk in, find the towel on the floor or in the sink smeared with God only knows what and I put a new towel up. The end.

3. This one is even more stupider than the last one. Yes, I said more stupider. The automatic soap dispenser. Why the heck do I need a touchless soap dispenser? So I am forced to buy only your brand of soap that comes in the special bottle that fits inside the dispenser? Probably. If my filthy, dirty soap pump has some germs on it- so what? Am I not getting ready to wash my hands? Are soap bottle germs immune to washing? Questions to ponder, people.

4. Vegetable slicer-thingies. I have a mandoline. Thought it would be great! They make them look so easy and handy on TV. The reality is that in the amount of time it takes me to locate all the pieces, put the darn thing together and actually use it, I could have sliced enough potatoes by hand to feed the US Marine Corps. And the silly thing is way harder to use in real life than on TV. I can't even tell you the number of times I have cut myself using it. Well, actually I can because I've used it twice and cut myself both times. So there. A regular ol' knife is less painful. Emotionally and physically.

5. Any product whose target audience is my very impressionable and mighty persuasive children. Have you seen my kid's rooms?

6. The omelette pan or whatever they call it. Does it taste different if my goodies are tucked inside the egg rather than scrambled in? I think not.

There are so many more of these that I'm sure I'll think of more as I lay in bed tonight. Most of the time I watch my shows on the DVR so I fast forward through all the blaring insanity that is the commercial. The DVR-now there's a product I can stand behind! Because watching normal TV is sooo hard.